Confessions of Love
by Shard Ducala
Summary: A collection of inner thoughts found a'while scrying into minds. See if you can guess whoe each is from
1. If I Never

If I Never OS

I'm thinking she's right. I do. But I can't do something like that, despite what my mind says. I can control it. Besides, if it wasn't mutual it would cut off everything we already have if she knew. It isn't worth the risk, is it? No, certainly not. If I'd thought that I would have gone through with it weeks ago. Maybe I should wait till summer...but no, that'd be too long, and what if she finds someone else by then? I don't know I would do. I have to tell her how I feel. Yet I still feel that doubt. What if she rejects me? Or worse, what if she doesn't even care? I don't think I could take that. I know I couldn't. But how will I know if I never tell her? If I never even admit it to myself? If I never say how much I love her? 


	2. How You Really Felt

How You Really Felt OS

How You Really Felt  
I never would've imagined it. I loved you, I did, truly, deeply. I just didn't know how to show it. Maybe if I had done something earlier, it wouldn't have come to this. Maybe if I had told you how I felt, then things might be different. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I just couldn't. I was too afraid. And now I can never tell you, since I know what your true feelings for me were. I had hoped you had felt the same as I did, maybe you were experiencing the same things as I was; nervousness, fear of rejection, whatever they call it, it's all the same. I thought that maybe if one of us said it first, the other would agree, and I kept telling myself that I should start it, so many times I could've said something, but still that fear gnawed at me, ripping me up inside. Now though, I don't have to fear rejection, because now I've already experienced it, at the hand of someone who I thought was a friend at the least, though I wanted you to be more. I was just fooling myself though. Now I know how you really felt, and I wish I didn't.... 


	3. Lullaby in the Dark

Lullaby in the Dark OS

I sit here, alone, in the dark, listening to the music playing softly on the radio. The song reminds me of you. I've never heard it before, but I already know the words, just like I knew you before we met. Sadness grips me, it makes we want to scream out your name, though I know you won't be there to answer. I can feel a tear sliding down the side of my face, as I think of you, and how I lost you, what we would have been, should have been. I can almost hear your voice, calling softly, calling harshly, it didn't matter to me. It was you, that was all that mattered. Of all the times we used to have. How you cared when I thought you didn't, how I had cared for you, and I had always cared for you, whether you knew it or not. But in the end, you didn't have the same feelings for me as I had for you. You were my love, my obsession, my perfect dream. But I guess my dreams won't come true...


	4. The Artist

The Artist OS

~ The Artist  
  
I sit in the seat next to her; by my choice alone, although I don't think she knows that. I watch her, drawing a portrait of someone else, someone just in her mind. The slow, definite movements of her fingers and hand, as she glides the pencil across the paper, gracefully glides it, graceful like everything else she does. I watch her hands, the soft, cute hands she has, as she draws the eyes into the face on the white background. I feel elation throughout my being. I could just sit here, watching her draw, for hours, never getting bored of it, just watching her with that smile she always wears when doing her favorite activities. She looks up at me, that smile still on her face, and I feel a blush creeping onto my own face, but she doesn't seem to notice. She's glad to have an audience for her art, she's always downing herself though; she keeps saying how her art just isn't that good. I tell her she's wrong, she's a great artist, her work is excellent, but she never realizes what it is I'm really saying, what I long to say, need to say. That it's the artist I love, not just her art.


	5. And That's No Lie

And That's No Lie OS

_And That's No Lie  
  
Brick upon brick  
Time after time  
Building a future  
That began long ago_  
  
We've been together for years, though in friendship only. I'm here to guard him, to keep him in line. That's what everyone thinks. But that isn't the only reason I've stayed with him, stayed his friend, for so long. And I can admit this is the truth without fear...just not to him. I'm too scared it will ruin what we already have, and I don't want that to happen. I'm afraid that he'll reject me, that he won't want to be anywhere near me, and I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be without him in my life. Sure, he may be trouble sometimes, he may cause problems, but that's one of the many things I like about him; all those little quirks that make him who he is. It may not seem like it on the outside, but I don't want him to change. I love him, and that's no lie.


	6. Through A Box

Through A Box OS

_Through A Box_  
  
I see her smile, and it always brings a smile to my face as well, though just as a disguise. Smiling, smiling, ever-smiling, it's just a facade. I don't really smile at all, I just want the world to think it, for them to believe that's how I'm really feeling. I'm scared of how I'm really feeling. I'm crying on the inside, the tears everlasting. I hold it in, mustn't let it get out. I don't want her to know, don't want anyone to know. Then there'd be explaining needed, and she's the only one I want to tell, though I know she wouldn't understand. I lie to her, that's what I do, I lie to her. I lie to everyone, hoping no one will find out, no one will ask, no one will question. That they won't see my inner emotion, my inner self, the heart-broken liar. I lie to myself, convince myself that I'm happy, that I should be happy. I need to feel joy. But I never truly confront it; I can't, I know I can't, I'm not sure I even want her to know, though sometimes I've wished with all my heart that she would, that she'd be feeling the same. Her happiness though is true, free, unworrying, and I don't want to ruin that. I'd feel terrible if I made her feel this way just to absolve myself of this pain and turmoil. I need to be with her though, at least that I can do. So now I simply stand here, watching, loving, hiding, lying, seeing the world through a box....


	7. A Red Light

A Red Light OS

_A Red Light_  
  
_Dark as raven,  
White as snow,  
Eyes of ancient royalty,  
Prim and proper,   
Wealthy and sad_  
  
She taunts me, teases me, yet I know she cares not for me, not in the way that I now care for her. Her love is for another, and that one does not love her back, yet she says she doesn't mind; but I know she does, I can see it in her eyes, she does care, and she does feel sorrow. How I would love to be the one to chase away that sorrow in her eyes, free her from her prison, help her escape to where she could find happiness. But she wouldn't let me, not allowing me to get close, I'd be just another one who could hurt her. I could never hurt her. I think of her, of them, and everywhere I turn, I see her, though she is not there. I long to see her face, hate to be apart. If only I could tell her. If I could only tell her that everywhere I see her, and the sorrow that is always with her. I see a red light, in the hands of a broken angel...


	8. 

Calling OS

Calling  
  
Walking down the stairs, I heard the phone ring. I picked it up, still sorrowfully; it had been almost a month since you left, and I missed you terribly.  
  
The voice on the other end was full of static, and I thought I heard rain in the background.   
  
It was raining outside as well, but that didn't mean anything. It could be raining in more than one place at the same time. I wished that you could be like the rain, because then you could still be here with me, instead of being so far away.  
  
I greeted the person at the other end of the line, my voice a few depressed tones lower. I didn't know who it was, but I thought I recognized the voice.   
  
The voice said that I didn't sound like my usual self.   
  
I replied that I had lost something very dear to me, something I had loved, something I missed. The voice answered me, with emotion in its tone masked, that there was a surprise waiting for me outside.  
  
I heard a blast of thunder in the phone at the same time as out in the rain.  
  
I ran over to the door, not daring to hope, but still hoping I was right. I opened the door slowly and there was someone standing there, holding a cell phone, a grin on his face. A tearful smile came across my face as I recognized him.  
  
It was you.


	9. Sweetest Snow

Sweetest Snow OS

_Sweetest Snow  
  
Snow falls outside  
It falls inside too  
But it doesn't stay down  
The silvery coat remains  
Covering the ground, for the rabbits   
That hop through my dreams_  
  
I see him, standing there, never worrying, despite all his troubles. Yet he doesn't know what they are. He doesn't know the truth about himself. I try to tell him, but he never gets a chance to hear. The interruptions keep happening, over and over. Others don't understand why I'm with him, or why he's with me. They think our personalities just conflict too much. They're wrong. It's really the opposite; our personalities compliment each other perfectly. He's there when I need him, even if he isn't supposed to be. I may always be busy, but I always have time for him. I feel concern surrounding him now, but he doesn't know why he has this feeling. I know something is wrong, that he'll have to leave soon. I don't want him to leave. He has to stay, even if I have to force him, even if I have to give up myself. He means too much to me.  
  
_The weather outside   
Is bitter, and cold,  
But inside this house  
Here dwells my sweetest snow_


	10. A Shade Darker

A Shade Darker OS

A Shade Darker  
  
_A shade darker than mine,  
Yet at the same time, brighter as well  
A friend, an enemy, a rival, a companion,  
  
The first meeting was rough  
Now a near ally he's become  
One to talk to, on things about us  
Things no one else knows  
Or simply would not understand  
  
The feelings of growth  
The power held within  
Hidden from the world  
Until it is released upon it  
  
Fear and loathing  
Deception and deceit  
Foolish beliefs, and foolish thoughts, as well  
Gossamer, cloth, feathers, fur  
Contained inside this weakened shell  
  
Begging for release  
Strength to overcome  
The freedom arrives  
Though with it comes the comes the price  
Loss may come, but love always prevails  
  
Friends and Rivals  
Darkness and Light  
First of the battles   
It came in the night  
  
Defeated they were  
Returned to themselves  
Yet different somehow  
  
And now it is done  
They all have now left  
I hope soon they return  
For then my rival will lose  
And I'll have finally won_


End file.
